is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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