all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
