why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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