I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
