Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize