You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
