i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
