i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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