I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
