Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need a beard to bite.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
