I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
