Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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