Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
