Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize