Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
