if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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