she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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