dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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