I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
