She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
