...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
