I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
