i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
