He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
