Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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