I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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