I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Everything about him screamed your future.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
