i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
