What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
