i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
