her vagine was all disorganized.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
