Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
