I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well you can't waste a boner
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
