I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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