I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Blood and glitter go together right?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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