Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
