Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
