I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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