walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
