Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
