Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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