I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
