and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize