I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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