Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
