You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
