i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
