I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
