Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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