My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
