Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
