Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
