Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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