this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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