my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize