hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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