Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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