I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
