she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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