if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize