yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
