i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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