i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sorry my hands just texted you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
