I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
