this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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