I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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