I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
