did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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