I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize