do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
