dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
