i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
