i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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