Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
