And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
